My husband Roz recently wrote a blog about things pastors wish they could share and don’t. I joked that I should write one about things pastor’s spouses wish they could share. Then, several others started asking for it. So here it is, whether you asked for it or not… 5 Things Pastor’s Spouses Wish They Could Share But Don’t:
We aren’t all the same.There is a danger in writing this blog. Every pastor’s spouse is unique. The thing that unites us is that we married a man or woman who shares the profession and calling of being a pastor. Some spouses are pastors as well and that leads to extra demands and challenges of being a clergy couple. We don’t all play the piano and serve in kids ministry. I’m thankful Roz has served in churches that let me be me. Some of that has been Roz quickly correcting people who expect me to be at everything with a gentle reminder that I work and need time to take care of myself. Many of us have careers as well, and all of us have a calling God has placed on our own hearts. The challenge with being married to a pastor is that the demands of the pastor’s calling can be so all-consuming, our callings feel hard at times to pursue.
We aren’t perfect.I struggle and wrestle with my faith. I’m thankful God is so gracious with me. We struggle with our marriage at times as well. I promised Roz early on that I wouldn’t complain about him to anyone in our congregation (or to my mother). The challenge has been finding safe friends outside the church who let me be real and vulnerable, who let me vent and pray for me. It was especially hard my first year of marriage, and I will forever be grateful for my friends who helped me through that season.
Sometimes I want to beat you up for the things you say about my spouse. My husband is incredibly strong, but words cut deep. He isn’t perfect, but sometimes people see the pastor as a punching bag. They tell the pastor everything he or she is doing wrong in leading the church, in the way they preach, in the things they don’t have time to do. Please be gentle with your pastor. Your pastor is a beloved child of God.
We try to be generous in sharing our spouse, but sometimes we need to be selfish. I want Roz to be there for you during your emergency. You need a pastor who loves you. Don’t stop reaching out to your pastor, especially in times of need. Just know his or her spouse needs them as a husband or wife, and the kids need their mom or dad. We do our best to share, but your pastor will be a better pastor if the pastor’s family is a priority.
We need you. Our church is called Mosaic Church, and we embrace the tagline “Better Together.” I need you as my church family. You encourage me in my faith and help me grow. You invest in my kids in ways I can’t. With my oldest child now 2 years old and soaking up everything like a sponge, the weight of this responsibility of raising kids was bearing down on me. Then God in His grace showed me all the amazing Christian men and women He had placed in the lives of my girls. I am not alone. Neither are you. I’m so thankful for the body of Christ, my spiritual mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers who are pouring into me and our family. Thank you!